Reflections from Fowler’s recliner of rage
4/28/10 7:08 PM
You can always rely on this age-old adage: All good things must come to an end. I’m counting on you, Bret Michaels! OK, I honestly don’t wish death on the guy. It’s way easier to hate him when he’s alive and giving me constant ammunition. What I really meant was that my career as a narcissistic, chauvinistic, sub-par columnist is coming to a close. In my last installment, I would really like to take you back to where it all started: Pure, unfiltered hatred. In the spirit of both my college and journalistic careers ending, I’m presenting this column in a year-end award show fashion. So, without further ado, welcome to the inaugural presentation of the Fowler than the Rest SLAP (Seriously Legitimately Awful People/Performer) awards! My first SLAP goes...Fatty draft would thin out American laziness
4/21/10 4:55 PM
Here at the Central Florida Future, I’ve observed many important issues that plague America: ugly people, fat people, untalented people, Nicholas Cage. That’s all I’ve really done though. I have never attempted to solve any of these problems — until today. According to CNN.com, 27 percent of young adults are too overweight to enlist in the military. News organizations picking up the story have cleverly called their articles, “Too fat to fight.” Are we really putting a weight limit on bravery? This tells me that military leaders don’t really think young America is too fat to fight. They believe we are too fat to win. That notion is ridiculous. Plenty of fat people have had successful and even athletic careers. See: John Daly,...FCC, take a rest and stop censoring breasts
4/14/10 5:31 PM
Censorship is the most annoying barrier that I tackle, hurdle, dodge, and ignore almost every day. As an amateur comedian, satirist, and overall angry guy who writes for a young audience, it’s difficult to balance dark comedy and common decency. When I sat down to write this piece early today, I had a discussion with a close friend about a topic that people literally don’t shed enough light on: Nipples. It’s really not what you think. OK, it is what you think. Kind of. By the conclusion of our conversation we decided as men and as citizens of the free world that we want more nipples. Initially the debate was about the lack of nipples on standard cable and network television. Other countries freely show topless-ness at all hours of the day without much...Dancing gives undeserved second shots at fame
4/7/10 5:37 PM
Those of you who read my column regularly know by now that I’m a big proponent of manliness. Usually, it’s pretty clear whether an activity one partakes in is manly or not. Lifting weights, having awesome sideburns, wearing puka shell necklaces, all these activities are manly. Hugs, ice skating and gymnastics are not. Then you have dancing. Dancing is entirely what you make of it. Greats like Fred Astaire, Michael Jackson, and Turbo from “Breakin’ ” were definitely manly with their craft. If all of America watched and appreciated the aforementioned forms of boogie, then there wouldn’t be a problem; however, the world has the abomination known as Dancing with the Stars. I don’t want to see celebrities dance unless they are celebrities...My issues with Nick Cage and getting engaged
3/31/10 7:55 PM
Real life is right around the corner. Like many at UCF students, I’m mere weeks away from graduation and needless to say, my mind is a little all over the place. In honor of that, instead of a cohesive, one-subject column, I’ve decided to throw out some thoughts and observations and see what sticks. Thought Number 1: Jumping the shark If you’re not familiar, jumping the shark is the idiom used when a successful television show runs out of ideas, stops trying or becomes so self absorbed the plot spirals off into the ridiculously absurd. This of course started with Happy Days, in which Fonzie attempted to water ski over a shark while wearing his leather jacket. The point in this sitcom history lesson is that I have a new level of jumping the shark to...
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