Dear Carmen,
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about two years now. He’s a great guy who really cares about me and puts my needs first. He works a lot and is gone a lot because of work; his job requires him to travel.
Despite him always having to travel, he bought a house for us to live in, even though he is never home for long periods of time. I know he bought the house for me in a lot of ways and I love him for doing that, but of course houses are really expensive and money comes and goes so fast with bills. We both didn’t need the added pressure of paying for house costs.
At the time when he bought our house (like a year ago) I had a job, but was laid off till I eventually found another one. The job doesn’t pay very much, so money is really tight. I have to pay all my bills and I want very much to pay for some of the house costs to help my great boyfriend out. I pay for the cable, lawn service, water, electric, etc.
On top of that my boyfriend bought a dog for us, which again is pretty much mine while he is away, so I have vet bills to pay, too. With all these bills, having the house doesn’t help. I need to make more money or tell my boyfriend about my financial situation.
Since I can’t just make more money all of a sudden, I need to have a talk with my boyfriend because I love him, but can’t keep asking my parents for help. Will he understand? What should I do?
Sincerely,
Broke and In Love
Dear Broke and In Love,
It sounds like your boyfriend is thinking of you, so think of him and tell him your concerns and feelings. Any relationship that is worth committing to needs honesty, despite how the other person will feel.
I suggest that you tell him face to face because serious conversations need eye contact and take longer than a text. You need to start and finish the conversation together in order to move forward.
Your boyfriend needs to know that you can’t keep up the house payments, but that you would if you could. If he really loves you and cares about you he will understand; he may be a little frustrated because of the money problems he will be facing, but not frustrated enough to kick you out and walk away.
When you care for someone deeply enough you have to help them when they’re in need. You can’t be completely selfless and drop your life and what you need to do in it, and vice versa. You have to learn to talk about things and deal with them together. Love and life is all about the struggle and what you do with it, how you handle it.
Caring about each other means compromise and supporting one another when they can’t support themselves. Because when you’re having problems you hope that the same help is returned to you; you hope someone is there to help you pick up the pieces when your time comes.
I heard somewhere that love is like a row boat and life is like the ocean; when the waters get choppy and someone is tired and unable to row, the other person is supposed to row for the both of them. What a true metaphor for life and love.
P.S. Readers: I want to hear from you. What do you have to lose? All you have to do is ask! E-mail me at advisingUCF@gmail.com with your problems today.
Remember… I care.
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