2008 Woodie Awards
Cultural Pop
Doing the Robot
Kris Kelly
Issue date: 7/10/08 Section: Variety
If Wall-E and the last two decades of cinema are any indication, I don't think people will ever get bored of robots. Our interest in the pirate versus ninja debate may wane, but no one would dispute that both are made better when mechanized. Granted, a ninja made out of metal is about as stealthy as Robert Downey Jr. at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, but it's hard to deny the allure (Forgive me, RDJ. I loved Iron Man). As for pirates, well, no one actually likes pirates. (Do you know why there's no "Talk like a Ninja day?" It's because ninjas don't bother frontin'. )
I believe that our love for robots goes all the way back to the '80s, when cartoons like Dino-Riders taught us that mountable cyborg dinosaurs with head-equipped lasers were not only logical, but desirable. With any luck, Jurassic Park 4 will take the cue and they might as well since the raptors in JP3 moved like Rainbow Six and inexplicably understood how to snap human necks with their feet.
Speaking of cartoons, we must not forget the Dinobots and that great Cretaceous robotic wonder, Grimlock, from Transformers. As the magnificent titanium theropod once declared, "Me Grimlock no bozo, me Grimlock king!" and, really, what could have been more inspirational? Nothing, that's what, because to our five-year-old ears no truer words had ever been spoken. And then, to our amazement, he turned into a giant T-Rex. So we begged our parents to buy us the toys and they did, but we lost them which is a real shame because they're collector's items by now, and I could have sold them for some cash, like Steve Carrell in the 40-Year-Old Virgin, which means I could pay for food and wouldn't be subsisting on Ramen and Triscuits at this very moment. Bleh.
On the upside, it's impossible for me to ever become a 40-year-old virgin unless Skynet takes a break from ineffectually sending Terminators after future resistance leader John Connor and decides to send one after my past self, which, on top of being incredibly inconsiderate, would be very awkward seeing as how I'd have a homicidal Arnold Schwarzenegger in my bedroom who was completely naked because the time machines in the Terminator universe can only transport biological material. Actually, this scenario wouldn't be awkward so much as it would foster a grand sense of inadequacy.
I believe that our love for robots goes all the way back to the '80s, when cartoons like Dino-Riders taught us that mountable cyborg dinosaurs with head-equipped lasers were not only logical, but desirable. With any luck, Jurassic Park 4 will take the cue and they might as well since the raptors in JP3 moved like Rainbow Six and inexplicably understood how to snap human necks with their feet.
Speaking of cartoons, we must not forget the Dinobots and that great Cretaceous robotic wonder, Grimlock, from Transformers. As the magnificent titanium theropod once declared, "Me Grimlock no bozo, me Grimlock king!" and, really, what could have been more inspirational? Nothing, that's what, because to our five-year-old ears no truer words had ever been spoken. And then, to our amazement, he turned into a giant T-Rex. So we begged our parents to buy us the toys and they did, but we lost them which is a real shame because they're collector's items by now, and I could have sold them for some cash, like Steve Carrell in the 40-Year-Old Virgin, which means I could pay for food and wouldn't be subsisting on Ramen and Triscuits at this very moment. Bleh.
On the upside, it's impossible for me to ever become a 40-year-old virgin unless Skynet takes a break from ineffectually sending Terminators after future resistance leader John Connor and decides to send one after my past self, which, on top of being incredibly inconsiderate, would be very awkward seeing as how I'd have a homicidal Arnold Schwarzenegger in my bedroom who was completely naked because the time machines in the Terminator universe can only transport biological material. Actually, this scenario wouldn't be awkward so much as it would foster a grand sense of inadequacy.