2008 Woodie Awards
Expert gives tips on breakups
Stephanie Encin
Issue date: 10/27/08 Section: News
A breakup doesn't need to lead to a breakdown, according to a relationship expert who spoke at UCF on Thursday.
Andrew Blair, a psychologist at the UCF Counseling Center, told an audience of about 25 UCF students gathered at the Student Union that the best ways to cope with the end of a relationship include recognizing your loss, finding ways to pamper yourself, keeping a journal and reaching out to friends.
Another way he suggested to manage a split is to split.
"For some people, it's about getting out of the area or where you shared space," Blair said.
Grave-dressing, which is telling the story to others over and over in order to make sense of it, can also help, he said.
Friends Shannon McCormack, a grad student, and Cody Kimmel, a junior, attended Blair's talk to try and understand their recent breakups.
McCormack, who ended a three-year relationship about two months ago, contributed to the discussion often.
"I definitely felt everything he was saying," McCormack said. "He just made a lot of sense."
Kimmel said she and her boyfriend of five years were weeks away from getting engaged when they broke up a month ago.
"We were planning our wedding, and then a week later, it's 'I don't love you anymore,' " Kimmel said.
Blair told Kimmel she was on the right track to recovery.
Kimmel has already read a book Blair recommended, How to Survive the Loss of a Love. Blair also suggested students read How to Fall Out of Love, Exorcising Your Ex or The Rebound Journal. Kimmel praised How to Survive the Loss of a Love as a godsend.
She said she has given copies to three of her friends.
The worst ways to manage heartache are quick fixes, Blair warned. He cautioned against indulging in retail therapy, serial dating, drugs or alcohol.
"Alcohol and drugs, that's temporary," he said. "When you come out of the alcohol, guess what alcohol is? A depressant. Guess what cannabis is? Depressant. So when you come out of that, it's gonna be really tough. It dulls the pain, but you can have rebound effects, and then you can feel worse."
Blair also discussed myths that are hazardous to a relationship's health.
He said Disney movies and TV shows push ideas like love at first sight and the idea that there's only one soul mate in the world for each person.
"The world's a big world," Blair said.
Blair also said it's a myth that good relationships come naturally. Junior Joshua Weinberg disagreed.
"I think that if you have a relationship with somebody that you should just naturally get along most of the time," he said. "In some of my relationships, it worked well. We just got along really well, and there was not much conflict or arguments."
Breakups are one of the top reasons students seek out the UCF Counseling Center, according to Blair.
"There's a real grief and mourning process that you have to go through, and that's why we have a counseling center to help you do that," Blair said.?
Andrew Blair, a psychologist at the UCF Counseling Center, told an audience of about 25 UCF students gathered at the Student Union that the best ways to cope with the end of a relationship include recognizing your loss, finding ways to pamper yourself, keeping a journal and reaching out to friends.
Another way he suggested to manage a split is to split.
"For some people, it's about getting out of the area or where you shared space," Blair said.
Grave-dressing, which is telling the story to others over and over in order to make sense of it, can also help, he said.
Friends Shannon McCormack, a grad student, and Cody Kimmel, a junior, attended Blair's talk to try and understand their recent breakups.
McCormack, who ended a three-year relationship about two months ago, contributed to the discussion often.
"I definitely felt everything he was saying," McCormack said. "He just made a lot of sense."
Kimmel said she and her boyfriend of five years were weeks away from getting engaged when they broke up a month ago.
"We were planning our wedding, and then a week later, it's 'I don't love you anymore,' " Kimmel said.
Blair told Kimmel she was on the right track to recovery.
Kimmel has already read a book Blair recommended, How to Survive the Loss of a Love. Blair also suggested students read How to Fall Out of Love, Exorcising Your Ex or The Rebound Journal. Kimmel praised How to Survive the Loss of a Love as a godsend.
She said she has given copies to three of her friends.
The worst ways to manage heartache are quick fixes, Blair warned. He cautioned against indulging in retail therapy, serial dating, drugs or alcohol.
"Alcohol and drugs, that's temporary," he said. "When you come out of the alcohol, guess what alcohol is? A depressant. Guess what cannabis is? Depressant. So when you come out of that, it's gonna be really tough. It dulls the pain, but you can have rebound effects, and then you can feel worse."
Blair also discussed myths that are hazardous to a relationship's health.
He said Disney movies and TV shows push ideas like love at first sight and the idea that there's only one soul mate in the world for each person.
"The world's a big world," Blair said.
Blair also said it's a myth that good relationships come naturally. Junior Joshua Weinberg disagreed.
"I think that if you have a relationship with somebody that you should just naturally get along most of the time," he said. "In some of my relationships, it worked well. We just got along really well, and there was not much conflict or arguments."
Breakups are one of the top reasons students seek out the UCF Counseling Center, according to Blair.
"There's a real grief and mourning process that you have to go through, and that's why we have a counseling center to help you do that," Blair said.?
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